After a traumatic event involving a teen's father, he discovers his father may be alive, causing him to try to find him, but some want his dad to stay dead.
The plot sounds really interesting and it makes me wonder what happened to the dad and why people want him dead. Although, I think that the way you wrote it is a little confusing. I felt like I had to read it a few times before I understood what you were trying to say. Good job though, it sounds like it will be a really cool script! ^_^
I really like your plot for this story, it's creative and mysterious, making me want to read more to find out what happens.
However, I agree with Tanya on the fact that the way you wrote this comes off as a bit comfusing. I had re-read it a few times before fully understanding what your main point was.
I'm going to join the others and suggest a rewrite for clarity to really bring out the interest in the storyline. One other suggestion: if you can squeeze it in, add something about the teen, because otherwise he(she?) will just be a blank for the reader. (Of course, that may be intentional and I wouldn't argue with that...)
i like the idea, but this is a huge run-on. break it up. i had to reread your logline about three times to understand what you were trying to say, but i love the concept
The plot sounds really interesting and it makes me wonder what happened to the dad and why people want him dead. Although, I think that the way you wrote it is a little confusing. I felt like I had to read it a few times before I understood what you were trying to say. Good job though, it sounds like it will be a really cool script! ^_^
ReplyDeleteI really like your plot for this story, it's creative and mysterious, making me want to read more to find out what happens.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I agree with Tanya on the fact that the way you wrote this comes off as a bit comfusing. I had re-read it a few times before fully understanding what your main point was.
Everything else was great!
I'm going to join the others and suggest a rewrite for clarity to really bring out the interest in the storyline. One other suggestion: if you can squeeze it in, add something about the teen, because otherwise he(she?) will just be a blank for the reader. (Of course, that may be intentional and I wouldn't argue with that...)
ReplyDeletei like the idea, but this is a huge run-on. break it up. i had to reread your logline about three times to understand what you were trying to say, but i love the concept
ReplyDelete