Blog #11- Action & Description In My Dialogue

INT. CIA COMPOUND, UPSTATE NEW YORK - NIGHT

DEREK is packing up his suitcase to meet up with C in the BLACK HELICOPTER with 5 CIA AGENTS IN SUITS. In the background HELICOPTER PROPELLERS are roaring. DEREK'S MOTHER runs up to him before he has a chance to leave the COMPOUND.



DEREK'S MOM

Derek it's too dangerous to go with the CIA and look for your father, just think about what you have to lose. Your life, your perfect attendance at school, but more importantly, your life.

DEREK

Mom, I already made up my mind, I'm going.

DEREK'S MOM

But Derek!-

DEREK

But nothing Mom! I already told you, I'm going and that's that!

DEREK'S MOM

No, you are not going, I forbid you!

DEREK (angrily)

You forbid me... you forbid me?! Mom, I'm not a child any more, I'm 15, practically an adult. I'm capable of making my own decisions.

DEREK'S MOM (on the brink of crying)

I know you are, but I'm a mother and mothers just want to know that their children are safe.

DEREK (calmed down)

Mom, I will be safe, I'm going to be with the CIA, I'm sure they'll keep me safe.

DEREK'S MOM (calmed down)

Well, as long as they keep you safe......., oh alright, but you have to promise me one thing.

DEREK

And what is that Mom?

DEREK'S MOM

Don't come back to me in a casket !!

DEREK

I promise that I will come back in one piece!! I gotta go now Mom, the chopper's waiting.

DEREK runs to the HELICOPTER and gets on. DEREK blows his MOTHER a kiss and with that, DEREK is in the air and gone.



Blog #10- Dialogue Moving The Story Forward

DEREK

Hello?

ANONYMOUS MAN

Is this Derek Johnson?

DEREK

Yes, what do you want?

ANONYMOUS MAN

Your father's alive!

DEREK

Excuse me, what did you say?!

ANONYMOUS MAN

You heard me, but I'll say it again! Your... presumably... dead... father... is... alive! Understand?!

DEREK

Yeah, but where is he then?

There is no answer...

Blog #9- Dialogue Defining A Relationship

DEREK'S MOM

Derek it's too dangerous to go with the CIA and look for your father, just think about what you have to lose. Your life, your perfect attendance at school, but more importantly, your life.

DEREK

Mom, I already made up my mind, I'm going.

DEREK'S MOM

But Derek!-

DEREK

But nothing Mom! I already told you, I'm going and that's that!

DEREK'S MOM

No, you are not going, I forbid you!

DEREK (angrily)

You forbid me... you forbid me?! Mom, I'm not a child any more, I'm 15, practically an adult. I'm capable of making my own decisions.

DEREK'S MOM (on the brink of crying)

I know you are, but I'm a mother and mothers just want to know that their children are safe.

DEREK (calmed down)

Mom, I will be safe, I'm going to be with the CIA, I'm sure they'll keep me safe.

DEREK'S MOM (calmed down)

Well, as long as they keep you safe......., oh alright, but you have to promise me one thing.

DEREK

And what is that Mom?

DEREK'S MOM

Don't come back to me in a casket !!

DEREK

I promise that I will come back in one piece!! I gotta go now Mom, the chopper's waiting.



Blog #8-Dialogue

The 3 most important things about dialogue that I learned are:

1. Dialogue needs to move the story forward.
2. Dialogue needs to describe the relationships between characters.
3. Good dialogue can make a writing piece and bad dialogue could break a writing piece.

Blog #7- "The Hollywood Formula"

Opening Scene:

September 20th, 1996:

A helicopter landed in Langley, Virginia. A man opened the side helicopter door. A hummer with the CIA's seal on it was waiting for the man. A man in a suit said into a walkie talkie, "Welcome back Johnson, you're to report to debriefing." As soon as the man said that, the helicopter exploded and the man who got off the helicopter was nowhere to be found. The local police came and looked througout the debris for the body of the man, no trace was found.

September 20th, 2012:

A high school football game. See Blog #6 for rest.

The Big Decision:

Derek will have to choose whether or not to look for his dad.

Pros:

1. curiosity
2. may find long-lost father
3. if he stays, he may run the risk of being kidnapped again

Cons:

1. has good life
2. has good friends/grades in school
3. if he goes, he may die

Subplot:

Derek's dad's life since he went MIA.

• allowed everyone to think he was dead
• went to live abroad
• used new alias
• heard of his son searching for him w/CIA assistance
• shows up undetected
• protects son and wife from danger on yacht in Greece

Blog #6- My Plot

Set-up:

There is a High School football game. The home crowd is roaring up a frenzy as their team is up 28-0 at the end of the first half. This game is going to determine who qualifies for the New York State tournament. In the away team's locker room, we see the away team's coach (his face red with fury). He's mad at his team, not because they're down 28-0, but they didn't care that they were! The coach gave his team a compassionate speech and the locker room went crazy. One player in particular, their quarterback, Derek Johnson (the main character), stood up and said to make up for that horrid 1st half by winning the game. The 2nd half went by and the away team came back to win 31-28 in overtime. That season was the 1st time in 30 years that the away team had a winning record (they were 10-9-6). The players went to one of Derek's friend's houses, his friend was Marcus Jones. Derek was asked to go, but he went home to study.

While he was studying, his cell phone rang, he checked for the number, but there wasn't one. He waited for a voicemail, but there wasn't one. 10 minutes later, his phone rang again, again an unknown number and again, he let it go. 10 minutes after that, he got a text, he read it. It said, "pick up your phone in 5 seconds." 5 seconds later, the house phone rang. He picked it up and a little frightened, said, "hello?" The voice said, "you're in great danger, get out now!" Derek said, "wait, who are you and what do you mean..." as soon as he said that, 3 men with guns breached his front door and threw in knockout gas. Derek had no time to react before he fell to the floor, unconscious. He woke up in a room with no windows and one door, he was groggy from the gas and wondered where he was. There was a desk with a phone in the room, they were the only things in the room. The phone on the desk rang and Derek picked it up. The voice on the phone was the same voice he heard at his house. "Who are you and what do you want from me?" Derek said. The person's voice said, "never mind that now, just stay clear of the door for 20 seconds!" Derek asked, "Why, what's going on?" The phone was silent when all of a sudden, he heard shots on the other side of the door followed by 2 thuds and the door bursting off the hinges. Derek fell to the floor in shell shock. He felt a person's hands touch him and he was being dragged by the mysterious figure. Derek tried to look at the person dragging him, but he was too weak from the shell shock and too groggy from the knockout gas to move. He was limp in the man's arms.

Inciting Incident:

When he came to, he was in a black SUV and clueless as to who he was with or where he was. He was in the passenger's seat and he asked the driver (the mysterious man on the phone, who saved him), "what happened and why was I abducted by whoever did this?" The mysterious man said, "they wanted you so they could get to your father." Derek said, "but, my father is dead, has been for the past 15 years." The man said, "that's what he and the CIA wanted you and your mother to think." "Wait, what do you mean wanted us to think?" Derek asked. "Your dad is still alive, but is living incognito." the man said. Then Derek asked, "if my father is still alive, then why did he never come home?" The man said, "to protect you because if his enemies found out he was alive and they tracked him to you, he knew that you and your mom would be in danger all because of him. He figured that if you thought he was dead, his enemies would be convinced that he was indeed dead." Just then, the SUV pulled over to the side of the road next to a telephone booth. The man picked up the phone and dialed a number. A person answered and said, "do you have the boy?" The man said, "yes, I do." Then a helicopter landed next to the booth an they got on and went to an undisclosed location, where there is a warehouse full of computers, weapons, and people running about. Derek asked, "what is this place?" The man said, "this is our HQ." Derek said, "whose HQ?" The man said, "oh yeah, you don't know, well we are a sector of the CIA stationed here since your dad went MIA the day of the explosion, and I'm in charge here so you can call me C. We heard from a reliable source that 3 armed men were going to assault your house, so we followed their vehicle to where you were with the room with the desk and found you." Derek asked, "you were the one on the phone then weren't you?" C said, "yeah, that was me and I also was the one who saved you from them. I know that they won't stop looking for you or your mother, so we arranged for you two to stay here for a couple of days until we can get you out of here." Derek said, "but what about school, I have to go to school!" "Already covered, I told your principal that you were going away on vacation." C said, "Also, we got Intel that your father is not only alive, but also living outside the US so they don't find him. It is extremely important that you find him before they do, we'll be there to help, but you ultimately have to find him, He's looking for you." The next day, Derek and his mother packed their bags and went to Europe to start the search for Derek's dad.

Rising Action:

1. C, CIA agents, Derek, and his mother arrive in Paris to start the search for Derek's Dad.

2. In Paris, they run into trouble when 5 armed men in a white van ambush the group on their way to their hotel.

3. They find out from one of the armed men that were captured that Derek's father is somewhere in the Balkans, but living under a new name.

4. They head to Greece to find an anonymous contact that says that he knows where Derek's dad is.

Climax:

When they arrive in Greece to find the contact, they get a call from the anonymous source who told them to meet him at the Acropolis. When they arrived, they found the source. The source was about to reveal where Derek's father was, but as soon as he uttered one word, a bullet went through the man's head and he fell dead. "Get down!" C said. He sent 3 agents after the sniper who shot the only person who knew where Derek's father was. They catch up with the sniper, but before they could interrogate the sniper, he took a tablet and instantly died.

Falling Action:

Then, they all went back to their hotel only to find that their room was trashed, 3 agents were dead, and Derek's mother was gone. They found a note that said to go to a yacht at the peir and not to bring any agents or gun with him. Derek went to the yacht in the peir and found his mother tied up with her mouth duct taped shut. Derek said, "I'm going to get you out of this." His mom made a loud noise and Derek turned around to see a gunman hit him with a .44 magnum. The man said, "now I can get rid of both of you!" Derek closed his eyes, heard a gunshot, and thought he was dead, but he opened his eyes and saw the gunman was on the ground dead. In the distance, a man with a sniper rifle walked away after desposing of the sniper rifle. Then, C and 2 agents came in and untied Derek's mother.

Resolution:

The next day, they packed their bags and were going to leave. Derek picked up his suitcase and was about to leave the room when something caught his eye. A piece of paper was lying on his bed. The paper said, "Moscow, East Red Square". Derek showed the paper to C and the agents. They all agreed that their next stop was Russia. On their plane, Derek wondered what could be in Moscow that was so important. Then, realizing that it was 12 o'clock at night and that he would have a long couple of days, he fell asleep.

   

Blog #5- Revised Logline

An honor roll, atheletic 15 year old student must find his presumed dead father, who may be alive. His task will not be easy because some of his father's foes from his CIA days don't want to take the chance that he is alive.

Blog #4-Logline

After a traumatic event involving a teen's father, he discovers his father may be alive, causing him to try to find him, but some want his dad to stay dead.